Negative self-talk is a mood killer
Leaders are made, not born. It’s no secret that leadership skills must be learned and developed, with a strong focus on interactions and relationships with others. However, one of the most critical relationships every leader has is with themselves.
One of the most eye-opening discoveries I made when I started coaching leaders was realizing how many of them engage in self-deprecating internal dialogue—often without even recognizing it. This negative self-talk can significantly derail their effectiveness and progress.
What Negative Self-Talk Sounds Like
“I’m terrible at this.”
“My team doesn’t respect me.”
“I should know these things.”
“I’m not doing what I should be doing.”
“I am a failure.”
“I’m going to get fired.”
These are actual statements I’ve heard from healthcare leaders I’ve coached. What strikes me most is the sheer harshness of their internal dialogue. Many don’t even realize how critical they are being toward themselves.
More than once, when I’ve worked with leaders berating themselves over a departmental issue, I’ve asked: “Would you ever say something like that to another person?”
Universally, the response is, “Of course not!”
My follow-up question is always, “Then why do you talk like that to yourself?”
This simple question often serves as a wake-up call, highlighting an important truth—we are frequently much harder on ourselves than we would ever be on our colleagues or team members.
The Ripple Effect of Negative Self-Talk
Research has proven the relationship between negative self-talk and leadership effectiveness.
For example, a 2023 study from the Center for Creative Leadership found that positive self-talk can help leaders manage better even when faced with stress and uncertainty, while negative self-talk can diminish leadership effectiveness and decision-making abilities.
This is particularly concerning in healthcare where burnout is rampant. According to the American Nurses Association reports, 62% of nurses experience symptoms of burnout.
Our own negative emotions can exacerbate burnout —not just for us, but for those around us. Leaders’ negative emotions create a ripple effect throughout their organizations, ultimately affecting staff morale and performance.
Breaking the Cycle: Practical Steps
So how do we interrupt this negative pattern? The journey begins with awareness. The first step is to recognize our internal dialogue. I’ve found that asking my coaching clients to “listen in” on their own thoughts can be very powerful. Many are shocked at how mercilessly they speak to themselves.
Another powerful technique is to name your negative voice. I recall reading a book that suggested this, and I decided to name my inner critic, “Biddie” because she was so rude and critical. By naming this voice, I was able to separate my self from the negativity and consciously shift my self-talk.
This technique has been incredibly effective for my clients.
Quick reality checks can help too. When negative thoughts arise, challenge them with evidence:
- “Is this actually true?”
- “What facts support or contradict this thought?”
This simple practice helps identify and eliminate unfounded negative beliefs.
The most effective healthcare leaders I’ve worked with aren’t those who never experience self-doubt—they’re the ones who recognize negative patterns and respond with self-compassion rather than self-criticism.
By acknowledging and reframing negative self-talk, you can unlock your full leadership potential and foster a more positive, resilient healthcare environment for yourself and your team.
